Friends Season 3

Chandler: You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?

Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!
Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way.

Joey: If the Homo Sapiens, were in fact ‘Homo-sapien’, is that why there extinct?
Ross: Joey, Homo Sapiens are people.
Joey: Hey-hey, I’m not judging.

(Chandler throws her the ball, which she drops.)
Rachel: (proud of her self) I almost caught that one!
Chandler: Great! Now, the score is 7 to almost 7.

Joey: Well I don't like to say it out loud, but, yeah! Don't feel bad man, we all have our strengths. You're better with numbers and stuff.
Chandler: Math!! You're giving me math! All right, look y'know what, forget about it, you go for the girl, we'll see who gets her.
(Joey starts to return the fumble and Chandler grabs Joey's shirt and rips it off of his back.)
Joey: What the hell's the matter with you?!This is my favourite jersey.
Chandler: Well now you have two. Hey, I am good at math.

Joey: All right, that's it. Y'know I was still gonna let you have her. But now, forget about it. Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.
Chandler: Hey! Well, I've been preparing for that my entire life! Or something about you that's mean!

Chandler: No ah, hold on a second Joe, where do Dutch people come from?
Joey: Ah well, the ah, Pennsylvania Dutch, come from Pennsylvania.
Chandler: And the other ah, Dutch people, they come on from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?
Joey: Nice try. (to Margha) See the Netherlands is this make believe place where Peter Pan and Tinker Bell come from.

Rachel: Do you still have that, um, Navy uniform?
Ross: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume place.
Rachel: Hmm.
Ross: I think I have an old band uniform from high school.
Rachel: You remember not having sex in high school, right

Chandler: Thanks for trying. Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore!
Joey: Yeah, then-then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain?

Joey: Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you.
Chandler: What are you, what are you gonna show me my clothes?

Ross: Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.
Joey: You could drink the fat.
Ross: Hi, welcome, to an adult conversation.

Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! (to Chandler) Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.

Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand) , or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Joey: Put your hands together.

Monica: Okay, all right, how's this? 27. Italian-American guy. He's an actor, born in Queens. Wow, big family, seven sisters, and he's the only....boy. (they all turn and look at Joey) Oh my God, under personal comments: 'New York Knicks, rule!'
Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule!
Monica: Joey, this is you!

Joey: No. Y'know how we're always saying we need a place for the mail.
Chandler: Yeah!
Joey: Well, I started building one. But then I decided to take it to the next step.
Chandler: You're building a post office?

Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get 'ya?
Chandler: No, you didn't get me!! It's an electric drill, you get me, you kill me!!

Monica: He showed me where the restaurant's going to be. It's this cute little place on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just right.
Chandler: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?

Joey: Oh yeah! Amy just burned Jo's manuscript. I don't see how he could ever forgive her.
Ross: Umm, Jo's a girl, it's short for Josephine.
Joey: But Jo's got a crush on Laurie. Oh. You mean it's like a girl-girl thing? 'Cause that is the one thing missing from The Shining.
Chandler: No, actually Laurie's a boy.
Joey: No wonder Rachel had to read this so many times.

Monica: Y'know what, I've got to walk out of here right now, 'cause getting over you is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I don't think I could do it again.

Phoebe: We could eat the wax! It's organic.
Chandler: Oh great, food with hair on it.
Phoebe: No, not the used wax.
Chandler: Because that would be crazy?

Joey: You think I need a new walk?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Well y'know, I've been walking the same way since high school. Y'know, y'know how some guys they walk into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a 'take notice' walk.
Chandler: Are you actually saying these words?

Ross: (crying) Yeah, but this can't be it, I mean
Rachel: Then how come it is?

Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?

Phoebe: What, he's 18.
Ross: Exactly, it'll be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party.
Joey: Yeah, or-or to get a hooker.
Chandler: Always illegal Joe.

Phoebe: Y'know what, you should like, you should buy a state and then just name it after yourself.
Pete: What like Pete Dakota?
Phoebe: Yeah, or, or, or, Mississ-Pete.
Joey: Oh, oh, I got it! Pete-Chicago.
Chandler: That's not a state Joe.
Joey: Oh, and Mississ-Pete is?

Ross: All right so, Chandler, from now on, don't give your boss a chance to get you. Y'know just ah, don't turn your back to him.
Joey: Yeah, or you can teach him a lesson. Y'know? What you could do is you could rub something that really smells on your butt, all right? Then, when he goes to smack ya, his hand will smell. Now what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?
Chandler: What if Joey were president?